appreciate while i still can
I am running into a problem I've encountered many times now: not sharing when I feel "not great."
Bottling up negative emotions and thoughts, sleeping more and generally doing the bare minimum (if even that).
There's two(ish) things that come to mind on this topic: what factors have led me here and what's worked in the past when I've felt this way?
.
Tbh I'm blinded by how much privilege I have, mostly given to me by my parents' efforts and hard work. If the main factor making me "depressed" is having to do enough hours working to cover my costs of living and longing for a high paying IT role when I've quit two in the past year; if I focus on the specks of difficulty in a sky of freedom and opportunity — again won by my parents' hard work — then I deserve the hell I create for myself in a life of paradise.
It follows then that the way to stop feeling like this is to appreciate all I have while I can. Who knows how long I'll have loving parents, a loving sister and several loving friends? Having freedom to express myself, a gift I squander everyday while billions can be put to death for criticizing their government or social institutions. The chief sin I commit daily isn't sloth or ignorance (though those are the symptoms) as much as blinding pride of how much I have that I can choose not to appreciate, throwing my gifts (yet again earned by my parents' blood, sweat and tears) right into the garbage.
It isn't a pretty self portrait, and I honestly don't even include the most egregious sin of masquerading pride as losing hope and faith in myself to change; to do anything to get away from appreciating how much I have and accepting the pain my pride has caused and is causing.
Only goal for this week is to appreciate and give thanks for all I have while I still can.